I enjoyed this book, mostly. The first part was more intellectual than I wanted to read at the time - but the second half of the book connected with where I am. Clark says that as humans we all long for intimacy, and defines that as self awareness, self disclosure, and doing those two things in the hearing of others. That idea rings true.
Clark also talks about how often when beginning relationship, we think "I want to get to know you." He raises the question that instead, maybe we should think "I want to let you get to know me" -- and as we self-disclose, the other person will be willing to share themselves too. That is challenging -- being willing to share who I am with others, even before I know they want to know or will share who they are with me. That doesn't happen often in our society. We are all so afraid of being rejected or disliked that we pretend to be someone else to fit in.
One point that I loved and will put into my life is the idea of using homosexual and heterosexual as adjectives only, not nouns. It is so easy to think 'us' and 'them', so it can be really helpful to identify others as people instead of a certain kind of people. This is something which will take time and effort on my part, to use longer descriptions and be more proper and healthy in the way I think of and speak about others.
Throughout the book, the idea of loneliness and neediness comes up -- that often we are in relationship to fill needs and ask others to fill those needs, which can be very dangerous. Humans are all needy and broken and alone. Only in God can we be utterly fulfilled. As we relate to others in healthy ways, it must be such that we are grateful for who they are and for allowing us to know them. Gratitude should be central in relating to others, instead of need. Gratitude builds up and allows for growth in relationship, while need can stunt growth and damage what is already in place. With maturity comes depth in relationships, and in that one finds true intimacy.
| Title: | Being Sexual... and Celibate |
|---|---|
| Author: | Keith Clark |
| Date published: | 1986 |
| Genre: | Autobiography, Sexuality |
| Number of pages: | 182 |
| Notes: | Borrowed from Sue |
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